husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

You travel with the rest of the managers in your company, and I would assume many of them have spouses (and presumably most are able to handle behaving like a responsible adult). Learn more about, Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table. Ive gone to Vegas for work and my husband just told me to have a good time and made jokes about what kind of stuff I might get up to while I was there because we knew Id mostly be bored and cranky with the work situation. or even where to eat dinner. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. Ill throw this out too just in case. Its like the least romantic version of the old I wore her down until she agreed to go on a date, and now weve been married for 30 years trope. Exactly. At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. AP, this is just a wonderful post. Right? Same. And ate a lot of food. I know this is way off-topic, but deplane is a horrendous word. You also really have to go because youre the primary breadwinner in the family. Its a him issue. Maybe Im wrong. I might also take your friends statement a step further, and point out that hes the one making your marriage adversarial. I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. He can express an opinion at most. We live a block away from a grocery store. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). A good couples counselor who can handle the individual issues after using the couple-relationship to establish a good rapport with an individual who is resistant to treatment in a traditional one-on-one setting is not a bad way to start tackling these issues, and has the added bonus of giving the OP an opportunity to select a therapist she trusts. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. I didnt read him as being a chauvinist. I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. No. Yes, we fly in on Monday and are out by Friday. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. Of course, they can be bothbut then IMHO, that boils down to controlling anyway. Yes, marriage counselling. OP, how long do you think you can tolerate his behavior? Yup, agreed. This is WAAAY different than not having a closed door meeting with a member of the opposite sex, though. Youre going to DIE!. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? I second counseling. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. You dont have to have cause to break up with someone! Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. (Pretty sure the best meal Ive had in my life was at a Vegas buffet there was bone marrow covered in like fig sauce and the second or third best was at one of the steakhouses). I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) Read: how could he know I was where I said I was? Agreed! However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. Its just unacceptable. Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. Casinos are some of the most secure and highly monitored public places you can go. If we could afford flying we would have. Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? Agree counseling would be a good place to start. Thank you so much for being the voice of reason here. Youre adults. I was fine. Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. At the time, we had 3 kids and they were around 5, 3, and 18 months. Even if it was a relatively nice day, the fact that there was snow on the road would just give him fits. Not everything is family friendly (I.E. Certainly do not risk your career by bailing on this completely reasonable work trip. Right. She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused Youre the breadwinner? :), That reminds me of this Captain Awkward letter: https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, Were now in a position where he thinks Ive made a mistake with the breakup, and that I did not adequately justify my reasons for ending it.. Actually the cigarette smoke present in many buildings is the biggest turn off for me about Vegas. Instead, let yourself feel what youre feeling without judgment orshame. Blergh. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. Just my two cents. Ill take bizarrely leading questions for 600, Alex. within arms range. If your job is like mine, youll be standing all day training people on new products and campaigns and be totally exhausted at the end of the day. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. Depending on your husband's interests and how often you plan to visit the parks, there may be a pass that suits his needs. Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. It doesnt seem like he has much ability to manage his own emotionshes unloading them on you to manage insteadand thats a skill all adults should learn, I think. The worrying about her cheating leads me to consider there might be a problem with control/abuse, possibly. I have a disney pass but my husband doesn' | planDisney If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. We walk through various casinos and gawk. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. If your husband is otherwise kind and reasonable, its important to know that this is a very unusual stance for a spouse to take, so Im glad youre taking it seriously. It can be; it can also be a culture that has different views on whats important in a relationship. I dont think you necessarily need to fear him, but as other commenters have said, there are parts of this that seem dangerous and disturbing from our perspective. If you must have discussion, have them *later*, when everyone is calm. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. Answer (1 of 25): There could be a few reasons why a husband may not want to go out with his wife. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Id dump him. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? If it's something you really want to do, then I'm sure you can make it work, but it won't be easy. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). My husband wants to bring his mother on our European vacation. If I ask him he will clarify but I trust him and dont need to worry. Now that we have been together longer, he has settled down and has learned to trust me. Honestly, it feels awful. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. This. A decade? If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. Thats where domestic abuse resources and charts come in. And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. Agreed. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner I have one. My husband is a bit more of a homebody than I am, and he very rarely travels for work. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. Plan some quiet time or independent activities if you're getting frustrated. Mom freaked out, but fortunately for me, my Dad was there to help and reassure her AND wed had enough family counseling after my teenage years that I knew how to set boundaries. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. I question who he was talking to that would say they wouldnt let their spouses go. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? I agree in principle, but I think its easy for certain couples with significant shared responsibilities to fall into the language of permission, and its not always a red flag. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. Other than me being bored out of my skull, nothing happened! Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. Your husband has insane insecurity issues. Sure, that could be the problem. I think youre right, but it really needs to be highlighted up top: a lot of people tend to think that couples counseling is for us issues, and this is 100% a him issue. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. The reality of the place is really NBD. Look at it again. Thats another reason to put off discussions the information just wont register with him while hes anxious. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. Sometimes I am super jealous because he gets to go to some cool places (Tokyo, London), but I would never try to get him not to go. I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. Same! That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. My husband got sent there on a business trip as well. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. So when my sister and her then-boyfriend said they were taking a trip there, my first thought was that they shouldnt go because tourists are always killed horribly in Vegas (or are sometimes raped or kidnapped). His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. I'm in the car right now with a 6-week-old on what is usually a 11-hour drive, which we broke up into two days with a night at a hotel midway. When one person in the relationship suggests separate vacations, one of three things happens. Im not even sure how I would react to that. There are some really great desert trails out there! I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. 4. Who the hell lies about going on vacation with family while simultaneously depriving you of a partner, coparent, and also seeing your own family. In that case, marriage counseling is great. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! I wouldnt be surprised if it were like 2 people. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. Instead, things got worse. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities.

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