my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

That being said, my wife and I married young. She know eccatly what shes doing. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). Adding, However, just because your wife avoids physical contact doesnt necessarily mean theres bound to be infidelity involved. I had a few clients who had a baby and found it difficult to start getting physically intimate with their spouses again because theyre not comfortable with their bodies, says Gopa. Less. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? In my is own skin. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. Im a 66 year old man whos been in a sexless marriage for 33 years. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. Since I dont know your wife and I dont know anything about your conversational style or hers, I cant give you the magic words for getting the conversation started. But unfortunately I do feel that it is my fault I just wish I knew what and that I could make it better. A woman figures that out, shell be HAPPILY married! Sucks to be me, right! I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. Dang! He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. I started seeing sex workers. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. The more I got, the more I wanted. Weve been married for 37 years. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. More than once, our perfunctory mutual masturbation sessions were unsuccessful for me because I couldnt get hard. It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. 3. I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! She is a vegetarian and a purist in many ways, rejecting hormone therapy because of the published risks of breast cancer associated with hormone therapy, though small, my doctor stated. Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Some persons who are older like us end up this way. Same here except I m 75 he is 80. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. Remember its never too late to start. But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. :(, Wow Chris D!! Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. Is it something we should split over? So its a trope that the man is always the one with the higher desire and the one left frustrated. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. only issue. I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. I heard my uncles talk about sex like it was something from their youth that has long gone. Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. I have been a loyal affectionate hard working husband ( I would say that!) Men listen carefully If your wife stopped having sex with you after marriage she will NEVER regain that desire for you. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. I am a married woman of 69 and my husband (also 69) lost all interest in sex quite some time ago. Yeah, maybe not, eh . I want to turn things around and not give up but its a huge blow to what I thought marriage and my life would be. Its not always the woman who has no interest. You ever think about getting some on the side? My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part? Honor us with attention and physical contact. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. Same issue here. Related Reading: How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? Thats abusive and hurtful too. I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. No sex 7 years!!! Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. , motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. So the thing I hate hearing but rings true is once in the no sex zone you are not coming back in to it. I am desperate. WFT. Get your answer. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. Look, not to give your hubby a pass here, but please, understand that most men in our country, we who were raised in the 50s. goodluck! Its always whatever you want then she lays there kind of tense. Then, let the pouting begin. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. I didnt sign up for this garbage! So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! 4. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. This is really excellent advice. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). She will not go to any therapy. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. how do i tell him that in this life, especially for them both, there is more to life than just sex. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. It takes two. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). He will not talk about that either. When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. I was married for 24 years. She sleeps in the other room. So I backed off of seeing this person. Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love? Which now seems gone forever. Affection (hold hands, rub shoulders, tap butt, arm around shoulder, hugs, kisses, winks, that special look, etc), compliments, please, thank you, inside jokes, cheerleader, cleaning, cooking, repairs, child rearing, activities together, exercise together, etc will go a long way to leading to sex again. He just isnt interested and blames it on his diabetes. Absolute rubbish! The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, My wife never initiates intimacy, is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. And we sacrifice ourselves for them. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. As Gopa points out, the reasons can stem from resentment to communication gaps or personal issues. stop insultiing cats. I understand completely!!!! But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. Career-wise, shes doing better than me, so hes likely out-of-my-league anyway. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. I would leave and strive to take care of her financial needs until she is able to take care of herself or meets a man her age or older who is happy as a roommate. Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. She is unhappy with your lack of hygiene, 12. My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. Wish she would just say so. Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. Are there any people at all who have actually solved this any other way apart from no more proper sex or divorce? You begin to see the problem. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. Not you at all by the sounds of it. Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. I have a TON of frustration that has built up for years. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. Married 10 years!!!! Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Since this is our first child, I dont even know whats normal and what isnt. Super heart broken!!! Period!!! Im basically living a lie until the time is right for us to part ways. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. Just give him some and hopefully he will stop keeping you awake. That was 20 years ago. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. Sounds like you had a good long run and shouldnt be complaining. Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. That leads to no communication and uselessness. There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. It's not about love - you love him, no question. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. We both have health issues Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling Hello fingers!! I realize this rant may seem to be about my needs, but I think I deserve the right to a fulfilling life. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. Awful!!! Dianne. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. I cuttle with her, hold her close, hold her hand in public and we talked about it. Hey Mike, I dont think you need a woman, I dont think drugs and orgasm are the best ways to deal with the pain dealt to you by the tragic loss of your loved one. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. Got lost there. At least your wife gives you a hand job AND wants you to Cum on her tits! I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! I love her to death, but Im sick of the constant rejection. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. Suddenly it all makes sense. Is your husband on HRT as well? I am now dating a man in his 60s, I also am in my 60s and he cant get erection so he shut down any sexual contact and I am dieing for a sexual relationship. We all deserve to be held, to be touched, to be told and shown we are desired and needed for far more than cleaning a house, fixing a meal or providing a paycheck. Read the first sentence again. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? Nope no sex. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and emotional intimacy to feel connected to her partner. Once we get a savings built up, we are going to enjoy life and enjoy ourselves even more. This went on for years. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. Even with all the gadgets and hired help, modern women have a lot on their plate. Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. It will only create more distance between you. That means you could wait forever for your wife to just want sex. Having said that, it still stinks. First few years sex was great. He then sits and reads for hours on end. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. I agree 100%. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. The dog loves her. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. Ive considered a fuck-buddy, but I cant do that to her. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. Just curious. There is hope on the horizon. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. Take care of yourself. Thanks for listening. Addie,maybe we should trade spouses.lol.im in the same boat you are.i love to get intamate and hug and kiss and cuddle.my wife 0.unreal.she told me the other day she dont even like sex anymore after we had it.how nice to say that.unreal. For the writer of this letter/question . Aiaia!Number, address, divorce papers signed and ready to go?DANG! Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. Brilliant. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex. Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. Then, I got a highly aggressive, estrogen- fired breast cancer. The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. She may well become that cat lady a previous poster described. Never unfaithful. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. Now its too late. (function() { // REQUIRED CONFIGURATION VARIABLE: EDIT THE SHORTNAME BELOW Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. But how does that viewpoint help you find happiness in life? As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. 2. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. She told me after having foreplay she thinks her vagina is dead because nothing arouses her. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. oh Pamela, I hear you! The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. Its such an insult to your wife when you guys do that and .makes us ashamed of our bodies especially after having your baby we will never get our bodies back the same way it was before we got pregnant and you watching porn with photoshops were women to look at if they really look like that makes us feel you are body shaming us.

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